Today was the first day that I may have noticed some positive change. One of the kids in the boy's class was having a birthday party. Having received an email from his parents a week or so ago asking about our weekend scheduling and explaining that their child wouldn't "tolerate" a party that my kid didn't attend, we would have been conspicuously absent. It was a small party and I was the only parent who stuck around.
This is the sort of situation that requires a lot of effort on my part. I have to gather up the energy to make small talk, appear interested, not get annoyed about kids being kids (even my own). It's exhausting. Today I felt a Stepford-wife-clenched-jaw-perma-grin take over my face and I wasn't consumed by an overwhelming desire to lock myself in a bathroom or run screaming from the house. I don't want to have to do it again anytime soon, but it really could have been much worse.
The nausea was largely absent today, which was a relief, but I've noticed another physical symptom. It's hard to explain, but I first noticed it a couple of days ago. It's this feeling of being outside my body, either infinitesimal or exceedingly huge. So really, hard to explain. But it's something I've had my whole life. I can remember lying in my bed at home growing up and feeling this way. It's pleasurable, but also a bit frustrating, because I'm not quite sure what it is I'm feeling. I've generally equated the feeling with being connected with something larger than my body. Like being a concrete part of the universe.
I'm taking my out-of-body galactic traveler feeling as a good sign. Now if only I could relax my jaw.
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