My Peruvian guardian angel called this morning and asked if she could come over to clean and cook. I was sleeping in and really wanted to stay in bed until I needed to leave to pick up the boy, but told her to come over. While ostensibly doing the crossword puzzle in bed, I did go back to sleep while she worked in the other part of the apartment.
The funny thing is that I generally force myself to get out of bed and do something productive when she's here because she works so hard and I don't want her to think I'm lazy. But I just couldn't do it yesterday. I don't seem to have the same desire to use brute force to manage my life. At the last possible moment, I collected the dry cleaning, wrote her a check and headed out to pick up the car, which was parked near my office.
We ran into friends at the dry cleaners and had lunch together, then we took off to run our errands and then back home. The boy wanted to play Monopoly but I managed to dissuade him and I went back to bed. I really thought by now that I wouldn't be spending chunks of the weekend in bed, but there it is. The Lexapro still has some work to do.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Day 10
I forgot to take the Lexapro this morning! I gave my son his chewable multivitamin but neglected my own. There was a lot of multitasking going on. Lunch made while teeth being brushed, that sort of thing.
It was overall a pretty good day, however. I was slightly more focused at work, taking care of a number of small tasks that I've been avoiding. After work, I headed home, took the Lexapro and had a quiet evening of television and a few beers.
It was overall a pretty good day, however. I was slightly more focused at work, taking care of a number of small tasks that I've been avoiding. After work, I headed home, took the Lexapro and had a quiet evening of television and a few beers.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day 9
At last, an improvement.
In my physical condition, at least. I woke up after 10 hours sleep feeling almost back to normal. And as I walked home from work, there was actually a spring in my step. Of course, I was still quite unproductive in the office and might as well have taken the whole week off, but my body had turned a corner.
I'm concerned about my lingering lack of focus at work. I'm coasting, doing the bare minimum. This is not who I am, and it bothers me. I've always been a perfectionist which means I'm also a procrastinator, since I let the perfect be the enemy of the good, but it's been getting worse the past couple of years and it's certainly not getting better on the Lexapro as such. A perma-grin and more tolerance for my mother's nonsense are not enough to claim success.
While work is problematic, there was an interesting development today in my personal life, which I thought I handled well. Almost 7 years ago, I had a brief affair with a married man. I was terribly attracted to him. But we weren't right together and I wanted something better and I broke up with him. He brought two dozen roses to our break up date.
Since then, we had remained friends until a misunderstanding escalated into an unfortunately incident and he unfriended me on Facebook. He had invited me to a dinner with his colleagues from his law school and said there was someone in particular he thought I would enjoy meeting. I thought that meant he was trying to set me up. It didn't, the guy was married. So I accused my friend of being selfish and possessive and that was the last we spoke.
This morning there were roses outside my door with a dinner invitation and a note saying he misses me. I knew he'd separated over the summer and had wondered why he hadn't been in touch, and now he was. On my way to work, I noticed he'd sent me a friend request. And while at work, I received a text wondering if 18 roses don't garner at least a text in response. So I replied that I was planning to send an email, which I was.
The email was direct, clear and he wrote back thanking me for setting the perfect tone. I know he still wants to get in my pants, but I'm quite pleased with my assertive, non-flirty volley. I just hope the Lexapro kicks in enough over the next month to help me stand up to the flattery and persuasion that will certainly be lobbied at me during dinner.
In my physical condition, at least. I woke up after 10 hours sleep feeling almost back to normal. And as I walked home from work, there was actually a spring in my step. Of course, I was still quite unproductive in the office and might as well have taken the whole week off, but my body had turned a corner.
I'm concerned about my lingering lack of focus at work. I'm coasting, doing the bare minimum. This is not who I am, and it bothers me. I've always been a perfectionist which means I'm also a procrastinator, since I let the perfect be the enemy of the good, but it's been getting worse the past couple of years and it's certainly not getting better on the Lexapro as such. A perma-grin and more tolerance for my mother's nonsense are not enough to claim success.
While work is problematic, there was an interesting development today in my personal life, which I thought I handled well. Almost 7 years ago, I had a brief affair with a married man. I was terribly attracted to him. But we weren't right together and I wanted something better and I broke up with him. He brought two dozen roses to our break up date.
Since then, we had remained friends until a misunderstanding escalated into an unfortunately incident and he unfriended me on Facebook. He had invited me to a dinner with his colleagues from his law school and said there was someone in particular he thought I would enjoy meeting. I thought that meant he was trying to set me up. It didn't, the guy was married. So I accused my friend of being selfish and possessive and that was the last we spoke.
This morning there were roses outside my door with a dinner invitation and a note saying he misses me. I knew he'd separated over the summer and had wondered why he hadn't been in touch, and now he was. On my way to work, I noticed he'd sent me a friend request. And while at work, I received a text wondering if 18 roses don't garner at least a text in response. So I replied that I was planning to send an email, which I was.
The email was direct, clear and he wrote back thanking me for setting the perfect tone. I know he still wants to get in my pants, but I'm quite pleased with my assertive, non-flirty volley. I just hope the Lexapro kicks in enough over the next month to help me stand up to the flattery and persuasion that will certainly be lobbied at me during dinner.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Days 7 & 8
A day late and a dollar short.
I was very under the weather the past two days. I could have stayed in bed and slept for 48 hours. But I pulled myself together enough to get the boy to school on time and myself to work. It's not quite clear what was wrong with me. Certainly the UTI was taking some toll, though I had a host of other weird symptoms, including a raging headache (possibly due to caffeine withdrawal as tea is a bladder irritant), chest tightness, body aches and the inability to hold still (my legs were constantly moving).
Saw my therapist on day 7 and we discussed possible effects of the Lexapro. Besides being able to handle the birthday party, I also had a conversation with my mother the other night during which she said a number of things that would normally irritate me, but that didn't seem to bother me too much. She also said that I appeared to be smiling more during the session, but I chalked that up to the weird perma-grin situation that I think is connected to the clenched teeth situation. I certainly didn't feel smiley.
But, I made a conscious decision to accept an automatonic existence if it meant less anxiety and less self-doubt in my life. I guess I shouldn't complain if it comes with a perma-grin.
I was very under the weather the past two days. I could have stayed in bed and slept for 48 hours. But I pulled myself together enough to get the boy to school on time and myself to work. It's not quite clear what was wrong with me. Certainly the UTI was taking some toll, though I had a host of other weird symptoms, including a raging headache (possibly due to caffeine withdrawal as tea is a bladder irritant), chest tightness, body aches and the inability to hold still (my legs were constantly moving).
Saw my therapist on day 7 and we discussed possible effects of the Lexapro. Besides being able to handle the birthday party, I also had a conversation with my mother the other night during which she said a number of things that would normally irritate me, but that didn't seem to bother me too much. She also said that I appeared to be smiling more during the session, but I chalked that up to the weird perma-grin situation that I think is connected to the clenched teeth situation. I certainly didn't feel smiley.
But, I made a conscious decision to accept an automatonic existence if it meant less anxiety and less self-doubt in my life. I guess I shouldn't complain if it comes with a perma-grin.
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