Day 9

At last, an improvement.

In my physical condition, at least. I woke up after 10 hours sleep feeling almost back to normal. And as I walked home from work, there was actually a spring in my step. Of course, I was still quite unproductive in the office and might as well have taken the whole week off, but my body had turned a corner.

I'm concerned about my lingering lack of focus at work. I'm coasting, doing the bare minimum. This is not who I am, and it bothers me. I've always been a perfectionist which means I'm also a procrastinator, since I let the perfect be the enemy of the good, but it's been getting worse the past couple of years and it's certainly not getting better on the Lexapro as such. A perma-grin and more tolerance for my mother's nonsense are not enough to claim success.

While work is problematic, there was an interesting development today in my personal life, which I thought I handled well. Almost 7 years ago, I had a brief affair with a married man. I was terribly attracted to him. But we weren't right together and I wanted something better and I broke up with him. He brought two dozen roses to our break up date.

Since then, we had remained friends until a misunderstanding escalated into an unfortunately incident and he unfriended me on Facebook. He had invited me to a dinner with his colleagues from his law school and said there was someone in particular he thought I would enjoy meeting. I thought that meant he was trying to set me up. It didn't, the guy was married. So I accused my friend of being selfish and possessive and that was the last we spoke.

This morning there were roses outside my door with a dinner invitation and a note saying he misses me. I knew he'd separated over the summer and had wondered why he hadn't been in touch, and now he was. On my way to work, I noticed he'd sent me a friend request. And while at work, I received a text wondering if 18 roses don't garner at least a text in response. So I replied that I was planning to send an email, which I was.

The email was direct, clear and he wrote back thanking me for setting the perfect tone. I know he still wants to get in my pants, but I'm quite pleased with my assertive, non-flirty volley. I just hope the Lexapro kicks in enough over the next month to help me stand up to the flattery and persuasion that will certainly be lobbied at me during dinner.